Archive for the Funny Category

I Wanna Be a Zombie

Posted in Funny with tags , , , , , , , on October 30, 2011 by mistressofpoetry

I wanna be a zombie
I wanna eat some brains
And see all the little kids scream
When they see my body in flames

I wanna watch my skin drop off
And roll my head around
I wanna groan and grunt and growl
And beat you to the ground

I wanna be a zombie
And have no rules at all
Cause zombies don’t have to worry
About how they look at the mall

Make me fat or make me boney
I won’t have a care
Ill eat and eat and eat some more
And then go after smokey the bear

I’ll hear him scream and hear him fight
He’ll try to reach his car
But he won’t make it in my world
When zombies aren’t that far

Chew him up , enjoy the taste
Chaos will ensue
And when we’re finished, we’ll want more
Cause there’s nothing else to do

Zombies here and zombies there
Just like society’s best
Going through life in a brainless feast
And ignoring all the rest

Zombies come to eat the world
And scare the beauty queen
And when we’re finished with you dear
You’ll be the prettiest ever seen

I never thought I’d live so long
To see my dream fulfilled
Being a zombie is so much fun
Even when I”m being killed

I’ll get my picture in the news
Immortalized on screen
Having fun forevermore
As my skin rots with gangrene

The world will never be ready for me
And my zombie crew
Cause when we find your quiet town
The next zombie will be you!

Image property of Arielle Carroll

All in good fun and in the spirit of Halloween and Zombie film-making. Have a happy and safe Halloween and don’t let the Zombies get you!


Posted in Funny with tags , , , on October 11, 2011 by mistressofpoetry

If I could dig out my brain with a spoon
Oh what wonders contained would fall
And if I had a spoon so large
Would I reach the muddy thoughts?

Would I throw out chunks of enlightenment
Along with the frothy, red phlegm of stupidity
Or could I pick….
Pick… Pick…
My nose and bring forth gold
Along with the brains I am told
Live inside, among the catacombs?

How empty it seems
An echo of civilized thought cries out

Oh yes, brains for a meal
How delicious a treat
With my spoon in my hand
Treasures unearthed among the deep
And would I find a hollowed out space
To be empty indeed
Or could I fill it with pudding?

For what else are the thoughts which man thinks
But pudding
Soft, and without substance
Meaningless jabber
Based on the ideals of idiocy…

Dark Lover, An Ode To Chocolate

Posted in Funny, Love stinks with tags , , on February 8, 2011 by mistressofpoetry

I need not a boring love
In tasteless bliss and sighs
My only need is dark and rich
Blended on my tongue as wine

My sweet and oh so pure delight
Your craving never ends
On lonely nights with tear-struck hearts
You are my one true love

Ease my pain and dry my eyes
When life seems so obscure
Not man nor beast could take your place
Dark beauty… more than I can resist

Bring my senses to their knees
Weaken me with lust
I cannot hide my want from you
Forbidden, on my thighs

My mind craves your sweet caress
Eternal without woe
Place your smile upon my face
Chocolate, my unfailing suicide…

In celebration of valentine’s day, for those with lonely hearts.